denz Recreational » joke time

Jessica Simpson doesn’t like to brush her teeth?

Denz — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 15:07:10 +0000

Is this a joke or what? It sounds too ridiculous and way too funny. Jessica Simpson doesn’t like to brush her teeth and will occasionally use a sweater to clean them?

Believe it or not, but Jessica Simpson does not have a very healthy diet or, at least, there was a time when she couldn’t be bothered too much about that. Another thing that does not really keep her up at night is whether she brushes her teeth twice a day, the minimum recommended (varying according to whom one asks). Instead, if she needs to clean her teeth, she will just use a sweater, Jessica said laughing. Whether she was joking or not has not yet been determined.

“I don’t brush my teeth. No, really! I just use Listerine – and sometimes I’ll use my sweater. I do brush every now and again, but my teeth are extremely powerful. Fine, maybe when I’m 60 I’ll all, ‘ow!’ [...] Growing up in Texas for me, fish was a fish stick. We weren’t really the healthiest of people. [My mom] didn’t force me to eat healthy,” the singer explains during the interview.

What a news it is… Hehehe

…joke time! (this is hilarious)

Denz — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 07:11:46 +0000

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really awful day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12.01pm, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, said to the man,” Before I can let you in, you have to tell me what was happening in your life the day on which you died.”

“No problem”, the man said. “I came home to my 25th floor apartment during my lunch hour and found my wife half-naked. I thought she was having an affair but her lover was nowhere in sight. Immediately, I began searching for him. My wife was shouting at me as I searched the apartment.”

“Just as I was going to give up the search, I looked out onto the balcony and saw there was a man hanging over the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and jumped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But he landed in some bushes that broke his fall and he didn’t die!”

“I was so mad that I went back inside to fetch something that I could throw at him. Strangely, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. So I unplugged it, pushed it to the balcony and tipped over the side. It fell the 25 stories and crushed the man. Unfortunately all this excitement was too much and I had a heart attack and died instantly!”

The Angel sat and thought for a moment. Technically, the man did have a bad day. It was crime of passion. So he announced, “Okay, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven ,” and let him in.

A few seconds later the next person came up. The Angel said, “Before I can let you enter, I need to know what was happening to you on the day you died.”

“No problem”, said the second man. “But you are not going to believe this!”

“I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I think I got a little carried away, slipped and accidentally fell over the side!”

“Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But suddenly, this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, swears at me, and jumps on my fingers! Well, I fell and just before I hit the ground, I landed in some trees or bushes which broke my fall. But I didn’t die immediately.”

“As I am lying there, looking up, unable to move, and in great pain, I notice the crazy man push his REFRIGERATOR off the balcony. It falls 25 floors and lands on top of me – killing me instantly!” The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.

“I think I like this new policy”, he says to himself. “Okay”, said the Angel to the second man. “Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven .”

And he lets the man in. A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gates. The Angel says, “Please tell me how you died.”

The third man says, “You will never believe this. I am naked, hiding inside a refrigerator…”

…joke time!!! LOL c”,)

Denz — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 04:39:56 +0000

A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don’t want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don’t want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don’t want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!”

…joke time!!! LOL c”,)

Denz — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 17:02:15 +0000

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn’t Be a Filipino-American US President by David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There is not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, Mercedes Benz, BMW (Big Mean Wife), and MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House – where will they put the Last Supper picture?

6. The White House walls is not big enough to hold a set of giant wooden spoon and fork.

5. Secret Service staff won’t respond to “pssst…pssst” .

4. Secret Service staff are uncomfortable driving the Presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror or having the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase karaoke machines in every White House room.

2. State dinners do not allow “Take Home”.

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN’T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT IS….

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!

…joke time!!! LOL c”,)

Denz — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 09:17:06 +0000

A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime
they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: “It’s
my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping.”

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
“Please tie a pillow to my back.”

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to
be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.”

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also
led away whimpering loudly.

The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from one of most beautiful part
of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” the Filipino
replied.

“In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not
20, but 100 lashes.”

“Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
very brave.” The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

“If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

“And what is your second wish, ?” the Sheik asked.

Filipino smiled and said, “Tie the Pakistani to my back” !!!

…joke time!!! LOL c”,)

Denz — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 04:12:05 +0000

You know you live in 2007 when…

1) you accidentally enter your password on a microwave

2) you haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years

3) The real reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don’t have a screen name

4) you’d rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing to button on the tv.

6) your boss doesn’t even have the ability to do your job.

7) you read this list, & keep nodding and smiling

Cool as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your
friends

9) and.. you were to busy to notice number 5.

10) you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no 5

11) & now you’re laughing at your stupidity

…joke time!!! LOL c”,)

Denz — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 15:12:27 +0000

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)

A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how
many will be left?”
She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”

The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”

Then little RALPHY says, “I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is
biting off the top of the
ice cream. Which one is married?”

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s
gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone.”

To which Little RALPHY replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the
wedding ring on,” but I
like your thinking.” lolz

…joke time!!! LOL c”,)

dhenzcha — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 02:48:26 +0000

~DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN…

“DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?” Junior asks his dad,

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, “Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!”

“Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.”

“Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.”

Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: ‘You’ve Got Mail’!

hehehe hope you get the joke, just for laugh… c”,)

…joke time!!! LOL c”,)

dhenzcha — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 02:13:01 +0000

BILL GATES RECRUITS A NEW CHAIRMAN

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new
Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is
MARIO DIMACULANGAN.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2,000 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, ‘I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to
lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try’

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more
than 100 people may leave.

2,000 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself ‘ I never managed anybody but myself, but I
have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?’
So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may
leave.

500 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, ‘I left high school at 15 but what have I got
to lose?’
So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo -
Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, ‘ I do not speak one word of Serbo -
Croat but what do I have to lose?’
So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone
else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said ‘Apparently you are the only
two candidates who speak Serbo – Croat, so I’d now like to hear you have
have a conversation together in that language.’

Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says `Ano ba yan, dong?’

The other candidate answers ‘Ewan ko , pare.’

hehehe hope you get the joke, just for laugh… c”,)