denz Recreational

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really awful day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12.01pm, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, said to the man,” Before I can let you in, you have to tell me what was happening in your life the day on which you died.”

“No problem”, the man said. “I came home to my 25th floor apartment during my lunch hour and found my wife half-naked. I thought she was having an affair but her lover was nowhere in sight. Immediately, I began searching for him. My wife was shouting at me as I searched the apartment.”

“Just as I was going to give up the search, I looked out onto the balcony and saw there was a man hanging over the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and jumped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But he landed in some bushes that broke his fall and he didn’t die!”

“I was so mad that I went back inside to fetch something that I could throw at him. Strangely, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. So I unplugged it, pushed it to the balcony and tipped over the side. It fell the 25 stories and crushed the man. Unfortunately all this excitement was too much and I had a heart attack and died instantly!”

The Angel sat and thought for a moment. Technically, the man did have a bad day. It was crime of passion. So he announced, “Okay, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven ,” and let him in.

A few seconds later the next person came up. The Angel said, “Before I can let you enter, I need to know what was happening to you on the day you died.”

“No problem”, said the second man. “But you are not going to believe this!”

“I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I think I got a little carried away, slipped and accidentally fell over the side!”

“Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But suddenly, this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, swears at me, and jumps on my fingers! Well, I fell and just before I hit the ground, I landed in some trees or bushes which broke my fall. But I didn’t die immediately.”

“As I am lying there, looking up, unable to move, and in great pain, I notice the crazy man push his REFRIGERATOR off the balcony. It falls 25 floors and lands on top of me – killing me instantly!” The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.

“I think I like this new policy”, he says to himself. “Okay”, said the Angel to the second man. “Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven .”

And he lets the man in. A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gates. The Angel says, “Please tell me how you died.”

The third man says, “You will never believe this. I am naked, hiding inside a refrigerator…”

A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don’t want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don’t want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don’t want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!”

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn’t Be a Filipino-American US President by David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There is not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, Mercedes Benz, BMW (Big Mean Wife), and MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with fingers at State dinners.

7. There are too many dining rooms in the White House – where will they put the Last Supper picture?

6. The White House walls is not big enough to hold a set of giant wooden spoon and fork.

5. Secret Service staff won’t respond to “pssst…pssst” .

4. Secret Service staff are uncomfortable driving the Presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror or having the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase karaoke machines in every White House room.

2. State dinners do not allow “Take Home”.

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN’T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT IS….

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!

A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol
which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime
they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:  “It’s
my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping.”

[Read more...]

You know you live in 2007 when…

1) you accidentally enter your password on a microwave

2) you haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years

3) The real reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don’t have a screen name

4) you’d rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing to button on the tv.

6) your boss doesn’t even have the ability to do your job.

7) you read this list, & keep nodding and smiling

Cool as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your
friends

9) and.. you were to busy to notice number 5.

10) you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no 5

11) & now you’re laughing at your stupidity

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)

A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how
many will be left?”
She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”

The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”

Then little RALPHY says, “I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
licking the sides of the
triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.  The third is
biting off the top of the
ice cream.  Which one is married?”

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, “Well, I suppose the one that’s
gobbled down the top
and sucked the cone.”

To which Little RALPHY replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the
wedding ring on,” but I
like your thinking.” lolz